Drunk post…

Congratulations to Kiwi John, the new president of Bottles and Chains. After a hotly contested evening of polling, a winner has emerged. Heavy skid sessions on Hunnibel’s bike resulted in a complete lack of destroyed tyres, leaving all participants hanging their heads in shame. The voting party consumed a heft number of pints before moving onwards towards Da Angleos pizza. Kiwi John presently collected his first round f votes after falling asleep in the pizza restaurant. The brief snooze was ended with a sneaky pizza theft, leaving the intoxicated BnC crew with several gourmet pizzas to quaff before continuing on their quest for good times and beer.

The voting public continued their forward movement in a series of fumbling steps before entering the mighty cage. While men and women battled their way through sweaty masses, the BnC crew battled their way through cans and pints. The future president ended his already strong campaign with a winnining move. After being kicked out by security he re-emerged, stronger than ever, like a rising phoenix, leaping from the flames. Never likely to be impressed, security swiftly tore him back down and thrust him from the cage, thus ending a superior reign amongst the kingdom of men.

And so it is that BnC has named its new president, the drunkest guy around…Kiwi John!

(can someone bring me a dim sim, I’m starving)

Life?

Right, I had every intention of putting up some snaps and smack-talk about the booze-fest that was the weekend riding trip, but it ain’t happened. Ben showed up in desperate need of lower gears and I couldn’t refuse a BnC member in need, so now it’s late and I’m covered in chain grease and all I want to do is crawl into bed and nurse my sun-ravaged skin as I sob quietly into my pillow. So yeah, I’ll post something tomorrow. Suck it up.

Green Eggs and Ham.

dr_seuss_ffffound

..with the spectre of ‘responsibility’* looming on the horizon, it’s ‘down tools’ to roll the dice for perhaps the last time.. Come on the run with Benny as he heads south of the CBD in an attempt to evade his husbandly duties. Yep, a weekend of bicycle hobo-dom in the deep south. Pack a banjo. Bring ya Lumberjack hat. Chew tobacco? You’re welcome to join us.

This overnight mission will follow some of the south’s lesser known backroads in an attempt to evade authorities and angry wives.. The route as is stands in my minds eye? Well..

Hobart – Fern Tree – Neika – Longley (beer and swim stop) – Sandfly – Kaoota – Pelverata – Upper Woodstock – Woodstock – Cradoc – Glaziers Bay – Lower Wattle Grove – Petcheys Bay – Lymington – Cynget (beer, counter meal and pick up a carton or two) – Deep Bay – Ables Bay – Eggs and Bacon Bay (Camp, swim, consume beer, sing sea-shanties and throw rocks at Possums) – Deep Bay – Gardeners Bay – Woodbridge (civilised coffee stop) – Kettering – Coningham (swim action) – Snug – Margate – Peter Murrell Reserve – Blackmans Bay – Kingston Beach (beer stop) – Taroona – Hobart.

Total distance? 247783kms give or take a bit.. would have been more exact if bloody www.bikely.com was working properly..

You’ll need to pack the following:

x 1 – Tent.
x 1 – Sleeping Bag.
x 1 – Stubbie Cooler.
x 1 – Dinner Jacket.

Any type of pushie will do. It’s not a roadie specific ride, we’re rollin’ and we’ll roll at our own pace. When? We’ll kick-off proceedings at Machine Cafe @ 09:30am Saturday 05 December.. That means LEAVING Machine @ 09:30am, if you want some tucker, get there earlier Old Salt. The ride will wrap up sometime late Sunday 06 December.. probably conclude with a pub meal somewhere pending on the level of sobriety of the cyclists. Too wasted and it’ll be 2minute noodles at the Viper Den..

Keen to come? RSVP Benny at benny@bottlesandchains.com or just rsvp this invite.. whatever.

Don’t miss it. You know it will be loose.

*(fatherhood).

The ‘Ultimate Woman Dinking Machine’.

My drive side pegs arrived in the post today. As soon as I got home they were bolted onto the BMX completing the creation of my ‘ultimate woman-dinking machine’. To test the pegged up ride, I whacked my 7.5 month pregenant wife on the rear and headed up to the local pub for a beer and feed.

Pedaling was a little sketchy as Mishmashes centre of gravity is currently a tad ‘high’, making handling pretty freakin’ touchy. For the ride home I sat Mish on the handlebars with her feet on the front pegs.. waaaaay better, but the two Coronas and lime I had at the pub may have just added some dutch courage to the mix. Just need a longer seatpost and the BMX will be perfect! At least as perfect as it can be without having a sidehack strapped to it..

…anyway, it’s definately summer and the BnC event ideas are brewing away in my minds eye. The below BMX ‘Jam’ video added further fuel to the fire.. with ‘Slayer’ on the soundtrack, how could it not?

9th Street Halloween Jam 2009 from james stevens on Vimeo.

Ummmm…

A random link showed up in the BnC inbox today, which looked a little dubious. Pretty Boy promptly sent through a message re-stating the link, which could either be a seal of approval or a suggestion towards a healthy dose of BnC-style cynicism and heckling. Either way, I went and visited this website and saw what looks like a bunch of Alien and Leader frames built up with custom colours, fancy spoke patterns, painful saddle angles, dubious brake set up and odd rim drillings. There’s a lot of talk about lifestyle and aesthetic and paradigm shifts and other such stuff. It’s difficult to avoid getting a little BSNYC about it all, so instead I think I’ll just open it up to the discerning readers of this fine website and allow you to start flinging the stinky stuff around. Have at it!